17 Reasons Why Being Married Beats Being Single

I've taken a bit of heat this week because of my anti-Valentine's stance--especially since it's our 17th anniversary. Someone said, "How can you write romance when you have such a jaded view of Valentine's Day?" Well, it's easy. I write FICTION. In real life all the restaurants are crowded and the gifts are cheesy. Not so in the fictional world I write. And, hey, I can be romantic!

Just to show you how romantic I can be (snort!) I'd like to share with all of my loyal readers (both of you) how much I enjoy being married. So here today, in no particular order, are a few reasons why being married is better than being single. And 17 things that Dan is to me.

1) Witness. That way when your kids finally push you over the limit and you snap and yell something like, "How many times do I have to tell you to stop pushing your brother off the roof of the house?" across the back yard for all the neighbors to hear, there's someone else in the house to explain the situation when the cops show up. (They were playing King of the Mountain on their Little Tykes playhouse. Really.)

2)Voice of Reason. Chances are good that when you snap (see #1) your spouse will cling to a tiny little shred of sanity and pull you back from the ledge. Dan is a great safety net.

3) Personal Hygiene. What do single people do when they have a zit on their back?

4) Backup Memory. Between the two of us, somebody is likely to remember to take the movies back. Or give the kids their medicine. Or pay the bills on time. Hopefully.

5) Inside Joke-Getter. Dan knows what I mean instantly when I say, "Hey, it's Tony Randall!" or "Bass Kisser," or "Yes, I want that in a bag!" Because we have History together.

6) Trouble maker. Who else would sit in Sunday School and whisper inappropriate things in my ear? And then laugh when the teacher says, "What's so funny?" and I tell the class what Dan said and I GET IN TROUBLE for saying it when it was HIS COMMENT to begin with.

7) Need Fulfillment. You know what I mean. No need to elaborate.

8) In-house babysitter. When the pressure cooker of my life is too much and I need to GET OUT of this house, he's happy to stay here and entertain the minions.

9) Tax Man. No, not the Beatles song. Dan does the taxes and I do not. Ever.

10) Lawn Boy. One I get to sleep with. (See #7)

11) Homework Checker. Right now I'm okay but in a couple of years Ten's math homework is going to be too difficult for me to do. Then Daddy can check it.

12) "Research" assistant. Especially when I'm writing a love scene. (see #7 again)

13) Birds and Bees Explainer. There's a reason God gave us boys. The only other person in the house who has external plumbing gets to explain its function.

14) Sounding board. The person you can tell all your crazy ideas to so that when you say them out loud you hear yourself and realize just how very close you are to needing meds for the crazy. Or so that he can talk you out of them. Usually, but not always. Like that ill-advised short "Faith Hill 'do" back in 1998. He tried but just couldn't talk me out of that one. Luckily it grew back eventually.

15) Big guns. As in, "Don't make me break out the big guns." Most helpful with auto repair shops, hateful teachers, and really rude bowling alley managers. Dan's not a confrontational guy unless I feel threatened. Then he goes all alpha male and puffs his chest out and defends his woman. Sigh. It's not very politically correct of me, but I LOVE when he does that.


16) Serenade singer. Ever since we met he has sung to me, played guitar for me when I sing, and written songs for me. He can also play keyboard, ukulele, mandolin, banjo, drums, and probably some I can't remember. If I hear a song I like he'll learn it and sing it for me. Which, may I say, is TOTALLY hot.

17) Soul Mate. Because there's no one else on earth I'd rather spend the rest of my life with than my very best friend. The person who deals with the crazy, the PMS, the pregnancy cravings, the numerous rounds of "Does this make me look fat?," and the one who realizes that books are a Need and not a Want. He is my lover, father of my children, and my heart and soul.

I love you, Dan.

Happy Anniversary.