Friday, February 8, 2008

Stupid meth labs

I hate all those stupid morons who make methamphetamines. Not just because illegal drugs are bad and kill people and all that. I mean, of course that's wrong, but the main reason I hate meth manufacturers is because I have a cold. You know what I'm talking about if you've tried to buy Sudafed recently. They make you feel like a meth addict yourself.

Tiny digression: I just accidentally typed "math addict" instead of meth addict. Anyone who knows me knows that THAT was hilarious. I'm so NOT a math addict. Okay, back to the whining...

You have to wait in line at the pharmacy, show your ID, and God forbid you try to buy more than two boxes at once. They will follow you home and smell around for that ammonia meth lab smell--which my cat can tell you they would absolutely find in my garage. Sorry, Rocky, I'll get to that litter box tonight. I promise.

Anyway, I tried to buy some Sudafed at WalMart last night. At about five o'clock. When apparently every last person in the middle Tennessee area decided to leave work early to spend their paychecks. And they all brought their obnoxious children with them. The line at the pharmacy was at least fourteen thousand people long. I decided I didn't need the Sudafed that much. I'd just try the new formula they put out when they pulled all the lovely pseudoephedrine off the market because of all those stupid meth heads.

Yeah, right. You can see where this is going, can't you? That crap doesn't freakin' work!

Does anybody remember Actifed? You know, the one the astronauts used to advertise? It had lovely pseudoephedrine and some kind of antihistamine too and it was manna from heaven for colds. The only problem was, I would get Actifed and Sudafed confused and forget which one caused drowsiness. I mean, you'd think that ACTIfed would be the non-drowsy formula because it has active in the name. Right? Nope. Wrong. Never take that before a geology exam. Trust me on this. The one that sounds like it has the root word for sedate in the name, Sudafed, is the one with the non-drowsy formula. Take that before a softball game and you can leg out a double, even if you're a 5'2" girl with a wimpy swing. I'm just sayin.'

Well, you used to be able to leg out a double. Now you'll just stand in the batter's box, wiping your dripping nose and praying for God to smite the meth heads so you could get your hands on some Sudafed.

Stupid crystal meth. Sniff.

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