Thursday, December 30, 2010

I am a Rock Star

Even if only because of what I drink.

Today I drank a Rock Star Sugar Free Energy Drink for breakfast instead of a cup of coffee. Let me just tell you that if I drank one of those every day, I'm certain I could rule the world. Here's a list of everything I got done today...

  • called ARC to find out why they didn't come pick up my donation yesterday, even though they were the ones who contacted me and even gave me a reminder call the day before. Got them to come out today to pick up NINE BAGS of stuff--most of which came from the ten year old's room after I helped him clean out the closet, dressers, desk, and under the bed a few days ago
  • called the Federal court system and sweet-talked the clerk into changing my jury duty from February to June so I won't have to miss school.
  • noticed a guy sitting in a lawn chair in front of my house with his laptop. Seriously. You red that correctly. This is the second time this has happened--the first was Sunday night when it was FREEZING outside and I was snuggled on the couch watching The Sound of Music. Took pictures and video of the guy until someone drove up to get him. He calmly folded his chair and got in the car. I called the police and they sent an officer out to file a report about the weirdo. Then Dan changed the router so that guests cannot use it. That is a picture of him loading his chair into the "getaway car." I'm still astounded.

  • ordered a gig bag for my bass guitar so I'll have something to carry it in when I start lessons next week (But I just found out it won't arrive until the day after my first lesson. Sigh.) Also shopped for a carrying case for Dan's foot pedal, but couldn't find it.
  • took a trunk full of three month's worth of recycling to Gallatin (just plastic and steel cans--already took the aluminum cans to the Humane Society yesterday and the newspapers go to my school)
  • took a huge bag and two boxes of books to the used book store and got $68 in credit--which I immediately used $10 of to get more books
  • took the rest of the books she couldn't use to Goodwill
  • bought the kids lunch at Wendy's
  • did five loads of laundry (including the sheets) and put it all away
  • cleaned out the garage (which is a huge deal because the part I cleaned is where we crammed everything we didn't know what to do with when we first moved in and haven't touched it since)
  • took apart an old computer that no charities would take and completely smashed its innards to smithereens with a hammer so no one could get our personal information from it (this was So. Much. Fun.--highly recommended for anger management)
I'm thinking about framing that picture and displaying it in full view of my current computer as a warning any time it decides to start running slowly. Please notice that even though I had a great time doing this, I wore safety goggles like a responsible adult. Oh, and what you can't see is that I shouted "Towanda!!" and then giggled the whole time just like in the movie (except I was smashing a computer instead of a red convertible).
  • hauled all the broken computer pieces (Hee hee--Towanda! It just never gets old.) and a ton of old computer stuff and other electronic items out to the trash cans (but I had to leave it there until Monday's trash pickup)
  • straightened out the laundry room and boys' downstairs coat closet
  • cleaned out the upstairs coat closet
  • filled two more bags of stuff to donate
  • realized it was 9:00 p.m. and I still hadn't eaten dinner so I ate some Triscuits and hummus
  • wrote this blog
See what I mean? Efficiency times one hundred! Dan walked into the bedroom when I was sorting out the trunk at the foot of our bed and putting away towels. I looked up to find him watching me, smiling. I asked what he wanted and he said, "Nothing. I was just checking to see if you were building an addition to the house or something in here. You're a little scary today."

I think tomorrow I'll tackle the craft closet and computer desk. Then the world.

E coli, anyone?

So, if you wanted to kick start your weight loss New Year's resolutions, you might consider ordering a Quarter Pounder from McDonald's. But wait, you might say, aren't those things full of saturated fat and something like 500 calories? How could that help me lose weight? Well you see grasshopper, you have to order the secret ingredient: E coli.

My poor husband discovered this the hard way. I've never seen anyone vomit so much in my entire life--and that's saying a lot considering I was sick the full nine months with BOTH of my pregnancies. I felt so sorry for my poor Dan. I was fairly certain that I was going to see a spleen come flying out of him. Three days later he's still a little weak and shaky. His ribs and back muscles hurt from all the violent retching. He still doesn't have his appetite back. But at least he's lost a bit of weight so I'm a tiny bit jealous.

Not envious enough to eat another hamburger any time soon, but still.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

The White Christmas Edition

Merry Christmas everyone!!

We're celebrating the birth of the Prince of Peace with a Nerf Longstrike here at Casa de Princess because nothing says "Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men" like a longe-range sniper rifle and a kid who knows how to use it.

Speaking of Peace on Earth, Dan bought me bass guitar lessons in the interest of keeping the peace in our household. Turns out it's not a good idea to be married to the person who is trying to teach you to play an instrument. To cut down on the number of tears during practice (mostly mine, but I'm sure he wanted to cry too), Dan is paying someone else to teach me how to play bass. Apparently I'm an impatient student. Go figure. He's also planning to get me a bass amplifier in the after-Christmas clearance sale because I think I blew out one of his speakers already. Um, oops. He's getting me some headphones for my amp so that I can go to praise band practice and play along with the band but no one will be able to hear me play except myself. That's really for the best for everyone involved at this point in my skill level.

The boys picked out each other's gifts from Dan and me, which made shopping a breeze this year. I took them shopping individually, they loaded up the cart with what the other one wanted, and I produced a credit card, no questions asked. It was the best shopping experience ever. All I had to do was hide and then wrap them. Piece of cake. Oh, and Aaron made his brother a "Black Ops Ninja Snowman" mug, ornament, and gift bag which Ryan found hilarious. The gift bag said, "Ryan, I'm pretty sure you're the only one who can stand this picture," and it showed many different snowmen engaged in battle. Disturbing, yet very creative. That's my Aaron. They got each other lots of Star Wars action figures, Halo Reach toys, Lego stuff, and Nerf guns. The Special K box in the corner of that picture was my "special" trick--I put the action figures in the cereal box before wrapping them so they wouldn't be able to figure out what I'd bought. The best part was when Aaron unwrapped the corner of the gift and saw a pink box. He said, "Uh, Mom? I think this might be YOUR gift. You wouldn't buy me anything PINK, right?"

And speaking of pink, Dan also bought me a pink Snuggie so that I can be "Snugg-tacular" during recess at school this winter. I'm thinking about embellishing it with some "Teacher of the Year" monogramming and a few pink daisies or something. It looks really awesome with the blingtastic "pink diamond" ring that Aaron bought for me with his last dollar at the flea market when Grama took them shopping. Ryan picked out a bracelet with MOM spelled in gold (the Os are "genuine faux diamonds"). When I opened the jewelry box Dan said, "He went to Jared," which had us all cracking up because everyone knows how much I hate jewelry commercials. They know they'd be dead meat if any of them actually did buy me anything from Jared.

Last night we did Christmas at Mom and Dad's house, where we all racked up the gifts. The boys got tons of toys, stocking stuffers, clothes, and MP3 players. I got a bunch of cute clothes (including a new red coat), and a gazillion other awesome things including a great pink and brown scarf that Mom made for me. The thing that made me cry though was a mug which says "a daughter is a little girl who grows up to be a friend." So sweet.

We went to the candlelight service at BBC last night. I sang three songs with the choir, which was interesting with a cold. Shame I didn't learn the baritone parts beforehand, because I sounded a bit like Foghorn Leghorn whenever I tried to talk. It was great seeing our church family last night and participating in communion by candlelight while singing Christmas carols.

Oh, and did I mention the snow? For the first time in 17 years, Tennessee is experiencing a white Christmas! We stayed up 'til midnight last night watching the snow fall and playing music together. There's only about an inch on the ground, but we'll take it!

I hope your family is having a great Christmas too. I'll leave you with the disturbing image of my oldest child "Rockin' it Brewer Style" as he put it. He was sporting my Snuggie, the hat he bought me, and the gloves and ear muffs he bought for his dad. As Ryan said, "I'm taking one for the team," because we couldn't talk his dad into posing for this shot.

This is such a proud moment for me.----------------------->

Merry Christmas to all!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Brief Pop-In

Just a few tidbits to prove I'm still alive...

Thankfully the ice storm fizzled out and didn't amount to anything except a one-hour early dismissal from school. Teenager finished his project. Now all is merry and bright.

I'm frantically trying to figure out how to make a vampire snowman right now. Yes, this is the kind of holiday I've been reduced to--trying to paint fangs on a snowman. Don't ask.

I might survive one and a half more days of school before winter break. Maybe.

More later.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Four Day Weekend?

Why oh why did my school system just bless me with a four-day weekend, only to send us tomorrow with an impending ice storm? Do they not realize that we are STILL IN SCHOOL during the time the storm is expected to arrive? Have they never dealt with an early weather dismissal and all the madness that entails? ARGH!

And WHY for the love of all that is good and precious did my teenage son JUST NOW remember that he has a project due tomorrow, even though he just had FOUR DAYS to work on it when he did little more than play video games the whole freakin' time. I might kill him before he gets a chance to open his Christmas presents.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Not Dead (Yet)

Okay, I was totally shamed into this blog entry by Grace and Loren (even though I have nothing worthwhile to write) if for no other reason than proof of life.

It's almost Christmas and I have no tree up, no lights, no village, no Christmas jewelry or tacky sweaters, no decorations at all except the front door wreath. It's all stored in the garage and it might just stay there until next year. I'm just not feeling inspired. On the other hand, I love singing Christmas music with my church choir, so I'm not a total Scrooge. My seasonal affective disorder has hit early this year and with a vengeance. Right now I'm not even trying to be friendly--I'm just hoping to avoid becoming Jack Nicholson in The Shining.

This has been one of the craziest, busiest weeks of my life. I won't go into the details, but just trust me on this. I'm ready to hibernate. Sometimes I really love my job. This is not one of those times.

I hate cold weather REAL BAD*, so I've decided to compile a list of jobs you'll never see me do in this lifetime. Or any lifetime for that matter.

  1. igloo designer
  2. crossing guard
  3. Christmas parade grand marshal
  4. figure skater
  5. Arctic explorer
  6. alpine skier
  7. Zamboni driver
  8. beer deliverer
  9. speed skater
  10. ice sculptor

*Yes, I know that should have been the adverb "really" instead of an adjective, but I claim poetic license because I was going for ghetto-tastic slang. Cut me some slack, my peeps. Word to your mother.

Anyway, I'll try to write more often, if for no other reason than to entertain Loren, my blog stalker, so she won't be tempted to stalk someone else's blog. That's me. Keeping cyberspace safe for the rest of you.