Friday, March 21, 2008

Friggin' Bradford Pears

Spring has sprung...and brought the Bradford Pears with it.

These trees are the bane of my existence every spring. Why, you ask? But they're so lovely with their cute little white flowers. Well, I'll tell you--

I have four of these suckers on my property and they're all over my neighborhood. I am allergic to them and there's not enough Claritin in the world to combat it. Now my eyes are swollen shut and itching like crazy. My nose is congested. My throat itches. I have a terrible headache. They shed their flowers all over the driveway and make it look like snow. And that's not even the worst of my complaints about the trees. Nuh uh.

They stink like the worst B.O. you could ever imagine.

And not just any B.O. either. No sir. This is a very fish-smelling B.O. Like you'd expect to find at the skankiest whorehouse in the worst part of the most down-trodden city
after payday near a marina at three in the morning on the hottest day of the year. It is foul.

Don't let their sweet appearance fool you. These trees are from the very depths of hell. They are Satan's flowering handmaidens. In short, they stank.

Go here to read more about them...if you dare. Just don't ever buy one if you know what's good for your nose.

3 comments:

Shelly Conn said...

Teble,
I'm sorry these trees are making you so sick! I do think they are beautiful though. I didn't know they had a foul smell to them either!

TANYA MICHAELS said...

>>>>They are Satan's flowering handmaidens

ROFLMAO! Yes, whoever developed our neighborhood went crazy planting them. They ARE beautiful for the like week and a half that they're all white, but I share your allergy woes.

>>>I didn't know they had a foul smell to them either!

It's most noticeable when it's warm I think. My sister went to school during a particularly hot spring with these trees all over the campus and said the time she got to her next class building, she was gagging. This spring, we've (finallY!) got some rain here and GA and the smell hasn't been as noticeable, but it's sunny now. Just this week, I was standing out front talking to my Mom and caught myself thinking, "Why does the yard smell like armpit?" Selective amnesia--each fall I mange to forget how stinky they are until spring comes again.

Pat said...

Now I know why I fee like crap. I had to go buy Zyrtek today. I hate those darn trees. Dad cut ours down a long time ago and the across-the-street neighbor planted several.