Not Feeling the Pretty

I almost didn't post this because it's just too embarrassing for words. But then I realized, what is the purpose of this blog, if not to go online to make fun of myself in a public forum in which tens of interpeeps can share myprivate shame? So here goes...

I had a little waxing mishap on Saturday. And before you go getting all excited, the word Brazilian will not be appearing again in this post. Sorry, it was NOT that kind of wax job. Everything was above the shoulders, the way God intended. Or, you know, NOT the way God intended, since he's the one who thought it would be high comedy to give me facial hair in the first place.

I've been getting my brows waxed for a few months now and love it, so I figured, what the heck, I'd go get the hairs violently ripped from my chinny-chin-chin too. Bad idea. Really. Don't go there. I can't recommend it.

Because, you see, I'm now battling a severe case of leprosy.

All I wanted was to have a nice, smooth, hair-free face like a chick is supposed to have. I'm way to young for those hag hairs that some women of a certain age develop on their chins as they approach middle age. Shut up. I am to TOO YOUNG for hag hairs. PPTTTHHH.

It wasn't even all that painful. I mean, duh, it hurt, but I was expecting a bit of pain. No pain, no gain, right? A little ouchie is a price I'm willing to pay for beauty. But now...

I'M SO NOT FEELING THE PRETTY HERE, PEOPLE!!

Pain I can deal with. But not the horrible red bumps, whiteheads, and scaly skin that I ended up with. That I PAID FOR! Oh no. No one warned me that this could happen. Because I know from the depth, nay the very cockles of my heart that, had they given me the Leprous Lizard Treatment option, I would've said, "No thank you, I'm good."

I really wanted to call in sick today at work, but I didn't think my boss would buy leprosy as a valid reason for a sick day. And, well, I'm out of sick days. And even I am too vain to lose a day of pay to hide my shame. But I styled my hair extra poofy today to draw attention away from my face, and, you know what? The 1980's called and they want their hair back.

What with the leprosy, the big hair, and the excruciating back pain, it really sucked to be me today. Wah!