Yesterday when I asked for dieting advice my friend Shelly gave me the following tip:
"Run, run, run!"
I wanted to call and ask her, "Why? Is there a big dog chasing me?"
Because otherwise, why would I run?
But today I'm proud to say that I actually took her advice. Well, as much as I could. First I walked the dog around the block (approximately 7/10 of a mile) as a warm-up. Then I got on the treadmill while I watched Jeopardy! and Wheel of Fortune. I decided that I would walk during the show and run during the commercials. I just have one question:
When did they start making the commercial breaks two hours long???
Holy Mother of Pearl, I thought I was going to die. That was the longest two minutes of my entire life. Every time they got ready to take a commercial break I'd start to cry. I was begging Alex Trebek, "Please, please sir! I've always said nice things about Canadians. Please don't leave me!!" But, alas, they gave in to the almighty dollar and continued to show "a word from their sponsors" while I panted and groaned and struggled. When the show finally came back on I swear I saw Jesus in the face of Mr. Trebek. He'd never looked more beautiful to me. Until he went to the next commercial.
Unfortunately Pat Sajak didn't hold the same appeal. I did not run through his commercials, but I did walk through both shows. I burned something like 286 calories. I'd love to tell you the exact number of calories I burned but I lost my balance and accidentally pulled the Emergency Stop cord and had to start all over again.
I wish I could say I was kidding, but Ten witnessed the whole thing. And laughed his skinny white boy butt off.
Tomorrow, if I'm still alive and my body doesn't go into shock from the fact that I'm making it exercise, I plan to drink lots of water and do it all over again.