Sunday, April 13, 2008

Loser of the Big Variety

I've been involved in the Biggest Loser game at the preschool where I work. The bad news is, I haven't lost very much weight. The good news is, because I'm not terribly large to start with, I don't have to lose as much as some other people to win this thing because it's based on the percentage of body weight that you lose. Tomorrow is our next-to-last weigh-in, which means I have two weeks to drop a bunch of weight to have a chance at the big cash prize.

I need to come up with a great super-fast weight loss plan. Because it's only two weeks, I'm willing to be a little unconventional. Yes, I know (I know, I know!) that fad diets aren't good for me in the long run, but right now I'm not interested in the long-term results. I just want the MONEY! Anyway, dieting for two short weeks won't do serious damage to my body. I'd appreciate any tips you have for quick weight loss, but there are a few things I'm not willing to do, even for the short term. Here are a few of the things I won't do, in no particular order:

1) Develop bulimia.
Besides the whole "eating disorders can kill you" thing, it's just not for me. I tried to make myself throw up once in college when I drank too much and had the bedspins, but I just couldn't do it.

2) Take up smoking.
They say smoking just one cigarette takes seven minutes off your life. Well, my oldest child takes at least ten minutes off my life every day, so this is a bad idea.

3) Make out with someone suffering through a wicked stomach virus.
Well, maybe just a small kiss, but definitely no tongue. Grace suggested going to Wal-Mart and licking the handles of the shopping carts, but I think not.

4) Eat only cabbage or grapefruit for two solid weeks.
No thanks. I prefer my intestines to be gas-free and acid-free whenever possible.

5) Diet pills.
At least I'm almost positive I wouldn't take those. I asked Grace if it'd be okay if I only took them for two weeks, but she says just one pill could damage my heart. Some friend she is, ranking my cardiac health above my weight loss and monetary gain. Sheesh.

Other than those five, and maybe a few others I haven't thought of yet, what do you recommend for losing a lot of weight in a short amount of time? Share your weight loss success--or horrible diet disaster--stories here.

And if you contract a nasty stomach bug, pucker up and give me a call.


Pat said...

You are sooooo weird. If ou remember whend I went on the crash diet back in 1990, I lost 35 pounds in 3 months. I just ate 600 caleries a day. I wrote down every item it ate or drank. I started every day with a cup of warm water with lemon in it. It is suppose to act as a diuretic. I ate 1/2 grapefruit w/ equal and 2 vanilla wafers. I lived for my low fat vanilla wafers. A small salad no dressing for lunch, fish and veggies for dinner, 2 more vanilla wafers and a cup of tea for dessert; good luck.

Pat said...

I have got to start proof reading these things before I hit the publish button!

Shelly Conn said...

Run Run Run!!!!! :)