Things You Only Hear in Preschool

I teach Four- and Five-Year Olds four days a week. The school is part of a church, which means I'm not supposed to cuss at the little darlings. Some days that's easier said than done. Most of them are precious, wonderful, adorable pumpkins and I enjoy every minute I get to spend with them. Then there are the others. Ugh.

I doubt that many tax attorneys, pharmacists, or insurance agents encounter the same kinds of challenges that I do on a daily basis. Because there are just some things that you only hear in preschool. Here are a few totally true examples from my school.

From the kids:
1) "Well, you know I'm gonna kick your butt." (It was directed at me and I didn't even drop kick the child. I have such restraint!)

2) "I used to be able to fly."

3) "Cats don't eat cat food. They eat banana food."

4) "I have two titties." (She meant to say "kitties.")

5) "My daddy killed a deer and pulled its heart out."

6) "My daddy gots a really big belt."

7) "I gots a pony at my home. He sleeps in my bed."

8) "Mommy says I shouldn't touch my pee pee at school--but it itches!"

9) "Watch this," as the little girl pulls her arms inside the sleeve of her dress, "I can touch my panties!"

10) "Do you have hair on your privates?"

11) "Mrs. Teble, Ben is tattling."

Question and answer: (some unusual answers to our questions)
1) Teacher: "What month is it, class?"
Child: "Octember!"

2) Teacher: "What day of the week is it?"
Child: "Santa Claus!"

3) Teacher: "What do you stuff a turkey with?"
Child: "A dog!"

4) Teacher: "Why did you put cheese up your nose?"
Child: "Because I didn't think it would fit."

5) Teacher: "Today we're making a pattern. Red, Green, Red, Green, Red... What comes next?"
Child: (waving arms excitedly) "CIRCLE!"

6) Teacher: "I've told you several times not to climb up the slide. Why do you keep climbing UP the slide?"
Child: "Because it's there."


From the teachers:
1) "Please sit criss-cross applesauce on the carpet and catch a bubble in your mouth."

2) "Please get your finger out of your nose."

3) "Please get your finger out of your friend's nose."

4) "Please stop licking the floor." (or the bottom of your shoes, the table, the sidewalk, the white board, etc.)

5) "Please stop chewing on your sleeves." (or your shoelaces, your collar, your hair, your hair bow, your bracelet, etc.)

6) "Please take your hand out of your pants."

7) "Please take your hand out of your friend's pants." (Actually, you might just hear that one in a grown-up workplace. That's called "sexual harassment" boys and girls.)

8) "Sometimes you just have to shoot the monkey." (Please don't ask me to explain this--but if you teach Pre-K with me, you're probably laughing right now.)