Ouch.

I'm back from the hospital and thanking the makers of ibuprofen for their little orange pills. Ow!

This was not a pleasant procedure, but at least it's over. I was a little shaky when it was finished, both from the epinephrine/lidocaine injection and from the muscle aches from being forced to lie completely still for 45 minutes with my breast in a vice and a giant needle sticking in me. They gave me some peanut butter crackers and sent me on my merry way. I was fine when I was driving home (with an ice pack in my bra). It didn't hurt until I got home and the numbing meds started to wear off.

I have to do the ice on/ice off thing until I go to bed tonight. Otherwise, I am under doctor's orders to do nothing all day. I'm actually fine with that, since I hurt too much to do much else. I just wish I'd gone to the bookstore first. I'm rereading a bunch of my favorite romantic comedies--nothing too emotionally charged because I can't handle tears right now.

Dr. King and Kim (the mammographer) were really great. Kim kept patting my back and cooing over me. I resisted the temptation to ask her to pet my hair and sing me a lullaby, but just barely. They inserted a tiny little titanium clip into my breast to mark the spot where they removed tissue. (An entire petri dish full!! Like I had any tissue to spare!) I asked them, jokingly, if I would set off the metal detectors at the airport now. Do you know how hard it is to lie perfectly still after you tell a joke and everyone else in the room is cracking up?

After the procedure I had to lie on my back while the doctor applied pressure to my breast. It was very strange lying there on a table, shirtless, while I man who is not my husband held my breast very tightly for FIVE FULL MINUTES and chatted with me about the world's worst movies of all time and Mystery Science Theatre 3000. Bizarre. Just for the record, Dr. King gives that dubious honor to Planet 9 from Outer Space. In case you were wondering. I still think it has to be The Two Jakes, mostly because Dan made me go see that movie when I wanted to see something else and because I've never seen Chinatown.

Anyway, the radiologist was pretty sure that I'd need surgery, but I don't know what he's basing that on. I should hear something from my own doctor on Thursday. Until then, I'm supposed to take it easy, not lift anything over five pounds, not walk the dog, or do anything strenuous. The doc said this would not be a good time to take up jogging.

Well, it'll be a challenge, but I believe I will follow the doctor's orders.