Monday, April 6, 2009

God--the Cosmic Comic

Dear God,

I have long held the belief that you have a sense of humor. A wicked one, too, if the word wicked might be used to describe a characteristic of the savior of the universe. And after today, I believe that it can.

The reason I contend that you have a sense of humor, dear Lord, is that it must get a little boring up there in heaven sometimes. I mean, you can't read a book or watch a movie because, with that whole omniscient thing you have going, it must spoil the ending. You can't even play poker or anything, because you know the other players' cards even before they're dealt. And who would play with you? Jesus and the Holy Spirit? How does that work, anyway? Can you play poker with people who are, well, YOU? That whole God in three persons, blessed trinity idea gets confusing for us mortals, you know? There are some Bible-thumping Southerners who might argue that the Great I Am would never play poker because that's a sinners game, but I disagree. I think you just don't play anymore because you get a royal straight flush every time, so no one will play with you more than once.

So, I think that when you're bored you have a little fun messing with us humans down here on Earth. Like today, for example. Sleet and freezing rain on spring break? Yeah, Father, that was a good one. Even better was when my heater broke when the high was only supposed to be about 43 degrees. Yeah, that was rich. Especially since we're trying to sell the house. Good work. Really hilarious.

But, because you are King of Kings and Lord of Lords, you couldn't leave it at that, could you? I'm sure that Gabriel and Michael were egging you on, saying that you could make it even funnier, weren't they? Because then you sent that smell of smoke wafting through the house when the heat cut on again. Yeah, who doesn't love a good Hey, my house is on fire joke, right?

But, since you're the Prince of Peace, you couldn't just leave it at fear of fire, could you? I mean, anybody could get a laugh with that joke. No, you had to step it up a notch and wait for me to get all lathered up in the shower and THEN send the smoke. Yeah, that was a riot. I was laughing my head off. Once I, you know, rinsed off, grabbed a towel, and went racing out of the bathroom to make sure the house wasn't in flames. That was a knee-slapping good time.

So was the $750 bill to fix the furnace. What a great punchline. Almost as funny as the latex paint that wouldn't stick to the walls of my bedroom because of the oil-based paint underneath it. Or the vacuum cleaner that broke just when I thought I was almost finished with all the paint-related work and I could finally clean up and sleep in my bedroom again. Ha! Good day, Big Guy in the Sky. Awesome.

Now, if you're finished drying your tears of laughter at my expense, do you think maybe you could throw a little spring my way? No offense, sir, but this winter stuff is getting old. It was funny at first, but now...not so much. Maybe you could just tape a Kick Me sign to Saint Peter's back or something to amuse yourself. Just a thought.

But, of course, you knew what I was thinking before I typed it. Sigh.


Pat Collier said...

So did you finally get paint to stick? Mike had the same problem last week painting a bathroom. You would expect oil base in a bathroom but not a bedroom. Sometimes a light sanding will help. Sorry about the furnace and vaccuum cleaner, but the blog was funny!

Sanna said...

Teble, I just love your sense of humour. How does it come, that you haven't sold any books yet?? I'd love to read more of that stuff.

Sorry for all these things then. It'll be better tomorrow. Can't get worse, huh?

Love and hugs, Sanna